im in a BUSY mode....
Time keeps passing. I keep taking what seems like terribly small steps ahead into my future. My family and friends continue to support me in so many ways and I am filled with humbleness and gratitude for the love they show towards me.

My mind still roils in confusion much of the time. Scattered thoughts, a feeling of being disconnected, loose ends and lack of focus are commonplace.I eagerly await a time when I am more focused, have more intention than just getting through an hour, a day or a week. Yet time keeps passing and I know that I am making some progress.

How can a 30 year old man that is much wiser actually made the most absurd thing to his own Family but didnt even feel guilty? comments please..

i just cant stop thinking.....

i really pity my grandma, she may looks fine on the outside, but only God knows how she feels, infact i can see them. why must you keep this from me, you always shared stuffs with me but not this time? you tried to cover up your son? or are you afraid that if i know i might make it look worse? i will infact i did! is he a man of the house or just a stupid little kid. i hate you uncle, i dislike your attitude. sucks! rude! ungrateful! yes i speak my mind. so do think of what i said to you! if not because of my grandparents, i would long leave this house.

I have to accept that this experience and this process is simply what it is and is something that I must go through. I can't fix it, make it disappear or rush it. It is frustrating, maddening at times and is something that challenges my very essence.

Anyway, i have been reading books just for a simple pleasure itself. School is starting soon. and i would love to go to school. i hope everything will be fine, not as i expected it to be. I am having good spans of time as well in which I feel a sense of optimism. The company of good friends and family members has been the greatest help to me. Love allow me to talk my way, listening to all my attempts to define how this feels. He allow me to cry when the sorrow or fear overwhelms, offer hugs and words of wisdom and encouragement as well as giving me the ability to laugh again. I truly do not know how I would have gotten this far without them...without you. I just wanted to let all of you know how very much I appreciate your support and the comfort of your words. Dear friends, nearby or here in cyberspace, you mean the world to me. And Love,you are the closest to me,in my heart. i love how it feels when your arms envelop me. Hearing your voice, the music of your laughter or see your smile, to touch your face, kiss your lips, smell your skin and hope to wake up seeing you beside me. :D

Oh sugar, im so missing you. he's away again on a fishing trip at tanjong pinang and will be back on monday. Again lonely weekends! Today was okay as cousins came over. Im done reading all the library books i borrowed. And at night, watched SUMPAH POCONG with cousins. Everyone lying together happily watching. It was awesome!

Next week will be another babysitting week for me. But i do enjoy it. Love came once to accompany me. Will force him to come down too this week:)) and i miss my friends so much. been busy. everyone is busy anyway. So yeah, do take care and if there's plan tomorrow do call me. Im bored alone at home. cherrios and nights lovely readers.